Set fire to the rain
by Smartwillow
Summary: They're falling in lust. No spoilers. Feedback is love. Thanks to rahleeyah!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

This was really uncomfortable. The Chief crying in front of her. The case was closed, she just had to give her the final report. She could have waited until the next day, but no. She wanted to get rid of the blonde as quickly as possible. It didn't work out so well.

Why did she open her office's door? Did she even say, "Come in" or had Sharon imagined it? But now she was inside. And Brenda was on the couch looking at her with baby teary eyes. She knew there was no coming back when the blonde grabbed her hand and made Sharon sit next to her. She awkwardly patted her back and suddenly Brenda was in her arms. Sharon had no idea how it happened.

"Chief? What's going on?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Ok."

"It's Fritz. We had a big fight."

"Oh… ok."

"Ok?"

"No… I didn't mean…"

"Actually it is ok, he deserved it."

"Then why the hell are you ruining my suit?"

"You don't have many girlfriends, do you?"

"No."

"Neither do I. But I do watch movies. Can I please just have some comfort?"

"I'm holding you."

"It's nice."

"Thank you."

"You're kinda soft."

"Are you talking about my breasts?"

"Oh you're impossible!" Brenda tried to move away but Sharon held her tighter.

"I'm sorry. I'll be here as long as you need. In silence." Why did she say that? Some sick, maternal, protective instinct? The blonde looked so needy, but was it even possible to cuddle a former CIA agent?

Apparently yes.

After a few minutes, Brenda seemed calmer and Sharon's right leg was feeling sleepy. There was nothing much to do but stay still and watch the blonde in her arms. It wasn't so uncomfortable anymore, as she had always thought a quiet Brenda was a lot better than a chatty one. And, well, her weight on her chest wasn't so bad either. Sharon didn't want to let herself like this too much but the Chief's hair looked beautiful and smooth. Untidy? Yes. Washed with some cheap shampoo? Yes. But gorgeous nonetheless. Sharon began obliviously to play with those fluffy locks. When a moan slipped out of Brenda's lips, Sharon froze.

"No please, don't stop." Brenda's eyes shot open. "I mean… It's comfy and they do it a lot in the movies and it's working, I'm feeling better."

"So you're fine now, I can go?"

"Now Captain don't flatter yourself. You're good but not that good."

A smile crept across Sharon's lips. "Oh I think I'm better than good."

"And how is that?"

"I just made you moan!" She regretted it as soon as it was out.

"Oh my! You're flirting with me!"

"I'm not! How could you… How can you think…" Sharon was speechless. Everything she could think of could only make the situation worse.

"It's ok. I like it."

"You what? And please stand up a bit. You're not crying anymore and you don't need to hold me so tight I can barely breathe!"

"I though you were enjoying it. You're heart is beating so fast."

Sharon took Brenda's head between her hands and forced her to look up. "My. Heart. Is. Just. Fine."

Brenda giggled and tried to move forward but the Captain's hold was strong.

"Can you let go of my head? It's getting weird."

Eventually Sharon complied and as soon as she was free Brenda nuzzled again in her arms enjoying the new discovered power on the other woman.

"You smell good."

"Chief!" Sharon blamed herself. That's what happens when you let your guard down.

"I was asking what kind of perfume you're wearing, I could buy it too."

"I don't want you to wear my perfume. So go and find out yourself."

"I might."

"I'm not stopping you."

"Yeah, I know you don't want me to stop."

Sharon breathed heavily trying to gain her control back, then murmured, "Do you have any clue of what you're doing?"

Brenda was glad Sharon couldn't see her face because she was sure she was blushing. "No."

"So what about you just drop whatever it is and move on?"

"Captain?"

"Yes."

"I don't think I'd like that."

"Then can you at least make up your mind before speaking again?"

"I'll try. Can you stay here in the meanwhile?"

"Ok."

"It could take a while."

"Ok."

Brenda felt something warm and happy melting inside. She just couldn't put a finger on it. She sighted, pleased as Sharon's hand caressed her face. Brenda slightly turned her head and kissed the skin on Sharon's cleavage. The woman immediately stiffed.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking!"

Sharon tried to stand up but Brenda pushed her down.

"Let me go!"

"I can't! I can't let you go like this. I'm sorry!"

Sharon kept struggling and Brenda straddled her to make her stop. Pinning her hands against the couch, saying over and over "I'm sorry."

When finally Sharon gave up they were both breathless. She stared at the woman on top of her. "Look at you."

"What?"

"Just look at you. What are you doing?"

"I'm stopping you."

"From what?"

"From leaving."

"Leaving who?"

"Leaving me?"

"Why Brenda?"

The blonde couldn't answer, couldn't even look her in the eyes anymore.

"Come on Brenda! I can't keep pulling words out of your mouth. Talk to me."

"I don't know what to say."

"Then let go of me."

"I can't do that, I don't know why, just can't."

"It's unfair."

"What?"

"You're playing with me. And I can understand that you feel lonely right now and confused and need someone to rely on. I can even sympathize with you, Chief. What I can't do is stay here when you play me like I'm just a meaningless human being. That I'm not. I'm not meaningless. I'm here in this room with you and I feel things too."

"What things?"

"Things that don't concern you."

"I doubt that."

"You can do whatever you want. Can you please do it alone?"

"No."

"No? That's it? Just no? Have you heard a word of what I said?"

"Yes. And I want to kiss you."

"That's…" Sharon was taken aback for a moment, "I don't know… thoughtful of you but no thanks."

"Oh why not?" Brenda was suddenly angry and tightened her grip on the other woman's wrists.

"Because you wouldn't mean it!", the Captain almost screamed.

"I would! I know what I want and you won't sit there telling me what I want or..."

"Or what?"

"I'm done talking." Brenda leaned on her and at first the kiss was wet and sloppy because Sharon tried to fight it and Brenda tried to kiss and speak at the same time. "Just kiss me alright? Just let it go. Kiss me back, please kiss me back."

Sharon wanted to leave. Wanted to stop it. But her lips were on hers, her body was moving on hers, her skin was salty from the crying and her voice was so sweet while she was pleading. It was too much.

As soon as Sharon began to kiss her back Brenda pulled the brunette's hands onto her back and the Captain's fists closed on her shirt.

The blonde was all over her and Sharon couldn't think clearly anymore. It couldn't be so easy to win her over. But here she was, lost in that big detestable mouth that so many times had driven her nuts. When her hands slipped on Brenda's ass to pull her closer, all the times she had thought of it hit her. And the Captain felt ashamed. And she felt weak for wanting her so badly and not being able to resist this impulse. Because that's what was it, a mere impulse, wasn't it? And wasn't she too old just to give in so quickly?

Brenda's skirt was gone up to her waist and Sharon's fingers dug into her flesh, so tense, so hot. Really? Was Brenda Leigh Johnson hot? Did she truly think that of the oh so badly dressed Chief? How could she be attracted to a woman with so little sense of fashion? It took her a whole life to look perfect, how could the blonde overcome everything and get to her core?

Sharon was mad, furious. She despised herself for being in this situation and despised Brenda for disclosing her weaknesses.

Brenda unbuttoned her shirt and bit her neck so hard she would leave marks. And Sharon found herself completely unprepared to like that so much. To moan so loudly for that. She needed revenge, she needed to make Brenda pay, to hurt her. She took the Chief's shirt with both hands and opened it, glad to see the buttons flying everywhere, glad to ruin that stupid piece of clothing and glad to hear the blonde's cry. With her hands under her ass she lifted Brenda up and started biting her breasts, sucking her nipples, not stopping until she had listened to that cry over and over again.

She could smell the blonde's arousal and it was sweet and intense and everything she had ever dreamt of. She put her panties aside and shoved her fingers inside. With the other hand she fists her hair and held her head back. Her pace was frantic and careless until she locked her eyes with Brenda's. The chocolate pools were sparkling but somewhere there was fear too. Just a little bit but Sharon saw it and it was like a slap on the face. Her fingers didn't lose strength but became gentler. Her hold didn't get weaker but she used it to have the blonde closer and kiss her. Deeply this time, calmly, savouring her mouth. Was this what they called comfort? Was she comforting the blonde's whims? Was she sweating, panting, aching for a whim? Did it matter? Did it matter what she wanted? This was all she could get, take away the chief's bad day.

And she did. Brenda was clenching around her fingers and Sharon could only think that the end was near, that she would never be inside her, she would never watch her completely undone again.

"Open your eyes." Her voice was a husky whisper but the blonde did as she'd been asked. Sharon wanted to remember, she wanted her to remember. And when Brenda came she could only see big green baby teary eyes and couldn't help falling into them.

Sharon could feel the younger woman's warm, erratic breath on her chest, slowly calming down. She should have pulled out her fingers, she knew she should have but right now she couldn't make herself to do so. She closed her eyes and once again thought how everything would have been better if she had never opened that door.

"I didn't know... I'm sorry." Brenda's voice was feeble.

"You say sorry a lot."

"I know."

"To get things and to get rid of them afterwards."

"I already admitted it."

"Yeah, well… that doesn't change what you do."

"Are you always so nasty after sex?"

"It doesn't look like I had any."

Brenda opened her mouth in disbelief. "That's a low blow even coming from you."

"The aftermath is awkward. I'm shocked."

"It doesn't have to be awkward. It doesn't even have to be the aftermath yet." Brenda took Sharon by surprise grabbing her hand to hold it still and moving slowly on it.

"I can't believe you're doing it. Again."

"Maybe I liked the first time." Brenda grinned.

"Maybe you are so damn selfish you don't give a fuck about who's in front of you. Or inside you, for that matter."

"Maybe I care so much I wanna fuck her again."

"You're playing with me again. And why wouldn't you? It turned out so beautifully the first time!"

"Yeah…" Brenda was too focused on what was going on between her legs to pay attention.

"You're not listening to me, are you?"

"Nope."

Sharon twisted her fingers and the blonde's eyes shot open. "What about now?"

"Yes." Brenda answered breathlessly "Yes, now I do. And I feel bad about the way I misbehaved with you. I've been truly awful. Thinking just about me." Her hand trailed on Sharon's stomach. "What did you say? Selfish, I was so selfish." The Captain's pants flipped open.

"What do you think you are doing?" Sharon protested but her voice was already weak.

"I'm being selfless."

"I don't think I like you this way."

When Brenda's hand reached further in her panties Sharon tried unsuccessfully to suppress a moan. "As far as I can see you like it very much."

"So what's your brilliant plan?"

"Plan?"

"Yes, a plan. I fuck you, we fuck each other, then what?" It was getting really difficult to think but Sharon needed some kind of answer.

"Are you trying to spoil all the fun?"

"Maybe I am, Chief."

Brenda's hand left its place and Sharon immediately missed it. When the blonde took down her pants she couldn't help but lift a little and make it easier. "Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

"You caught me."

"You're wet." Brenda's hand was back where Sharon was longing for it.

"That's really nice of you to state the obvious."

"Anything that can help, Captain."

"I think this is the most talkative sex I've ever had."

"I kinda like it."

"I had no doubt, Chief."

"When you were fucking me before, what were you thinking?"

"You can't be serious."

"As serious as I can get, considering."

"I wasn't thinking."

"Liar."

"Calling me names has never helped."

"You were thinking so much, I thought you were about to have a stroke."

"Good to know you're concerned about my age."

When Brenda's fingers entered Sharon, her eyes were no longer playful. "Tell me."

"Who do you think you are?"

The Chief's hand began moving in and out, slow and steady. Never breaking eye–contact. "Tell me."

"You. I was thinking of you." Then that was what it takes, Sharon thought, just a couple of fingers were enough to control her.

"What about me?"

"I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to want it so much."

Brenda stopped but only for a second. "You wanted it so much?" Sharon nodded.

"And you want this so much, too?" She thrust harder inside her.

"Yes," Sharon cried, a single tear slipped out.

"Ok." Brenda leaned down and licked it away. Kissed her eyes, her nose, her forehead, her cheeks. "It's ok, it's ok."

"It's not."

"It is."

"I said it is not."

"And I said it is! Can't you just lay down and take whatever I'm trying to give you?"

"I feel so back in the fifties right now." Sharon laughed. And when Brenda started laughing too she was amazed. "You are so beautiful." The Chief blushed. "And now you are even more so." With her free hand she pulled Brenda down and kissed her on the lips.

"So you think I'm beautiful."

"Don't push it."

"I think you're not bad yourself."

"You surely know how to sweet talk a girl."

"I don't need to, I already have you almost naked."

"You'll never make it easy, will you?"

"You're easy enough for both of us."

"Do you think that making me feel all slutty will turn me on?"

"I think you already are."

Sharon smiled. "And are you going to do something about it?"

"Sure, ma'am. I'm ready to give you the best fuck of your life."

"Oh God." The captain rolled her eyes.

"Is it a bad thing if I could get off just watching how much I can annoy you?"

"Can I answer another time? I'm not really interested in your dirty little perversions right now."

"And what are you interested in, Capt'n?"

"How skilful you are in moving your hand. How you can't help bucking against mine. And I know you're trying not to. How wide and wild your eyes are looking in mine, looking at my lips. That I can tell you desperately want to kiss. How shining is your skin and how flushed is your face. And that's because of me, it's flattering and erotic at the same time. I'm trying to memorize all of this, all of you. But I don't know why, it will only make things more painful."

"I am trying not to buck against your hand. I desperately want to kiss you. My face is flushing because of you, because of what you do to me. And I'm completely at a loss because I don't want this to end but I know it has to."

"Ok."

Brenda froze. "Ok? You won't fight? Even a little?"

"Damn Brenda, what do you want me to do?"

"Show me you care."

"Why? Why should I say I care to someone who hates me 99% of the time? Who's got a husband she's trying to punish through me and with whom I can have a normal conversation without killing each other only while we're fucking?"

"I think we were done with fucking a while a go."

"So what's this?" Sharon shoves her finger harder, with purpose now.

"You don't have to do this." Brenda could barely breathe.

"Do what?"

"Prove me wrong. If it makes you feel better, God... I can say we're... we're just fucking around."

"It makes me feel better."

"Really?"

Sharon was kissing her neck, squeezing her breast, wondering if it was possible to miss something you never had or you only tasted for a little while.

"Get up on your knees."

"What?"

"Do it." Brenda got on her knees, needing both hands to lean on the wall behind the couch. When Sharon's mouth covered her, she thought maybe she should be feeling weird or uneasy. Instead she felt like she belonged, like this was, for once, the right place. And it scared the hell out of her.

Sharon has never been as selfish lover as in this moment. She wanted to take everything she could while she could. She wanted to blow Brenda's mind away, she wanted everything that would come after to pale in comparison to this. She wanted the blonde's life be awful after her.

But when Brenda came everything vanished. No fear, hate nor pain or regret, just the two of them. And when Brenda fell in her lap again, Sharon kissed her with passion, tenderness and something else she didn't want to name. Brenda kissed her back, tasting herself in her lover's mouth and this too was so normal, felt so right.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

They stayed there, hugging for a while.

"I love you." Brenda murmured.

"What?"

"It will be probably gone by tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, you know. But right now I love you."

"It's the afterglow."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"You're taking a dangerous road, Chief."

"We've been on that road since you came into my office."

"True. Let's just not make it worse."

"Ok."

A few minutes passed by. Each one could feel the other thinking loud and fast. Sharon was the first to break the silence.

"I think I should go."

"Yeah." Brenda showed no signs of moving.

"I don't think I can lift you."

"Then don't."

"Chief? I do. I do have to go."

"Why?"

"It's getting way too comfortable."

"Same here. You know what's odd? That the telephone never rung."

"Yes. Weird indeed."

"So I was thinking… Maybe while we were… fucking, the world ended."

"Just like that? Without even a sound?" Sharon smiled.

"Yeah. Wouldn't it be the greatest news ever?"

"God. Are you or are you not the most egomaniacal person in the world? Before it ended, of course."

"So you agree. The world ended and it's just you and me with lots of candies and no worries?"

"I think I would be worried anyway. I'm just that kind of person."

"You are." Brenda sighed. "And you are also the kind of person who will hate my guts once we're out of here."

"Probably." Sharon admitted.

"Isn't it a shame to have all this and be forced to throw it away?"

"I don't see any gun pointed to your head."

"So now it's just MY head?"

"Last time I checked I wasn't a straight married cop who likes to tease her fellow female officers. But maybe I'm wrong. Feel free to correct me."

Brenda couldn't find an answer so Sharon went on.

"I know… the truth is not so pretty if the world didn't end."

"Why didn't it just end and make all of us so much happier!" The blonde was so serious when she said that, that Sharon laughed and kissed her cheek. Brenda turned her head and took her bottom lip between her teeth. Then licked it and deepened the kiss but Sharon sweetly stopped her.

"I can't."

"You know that outside of that door all chances are against us?"

"Us?"

"Whatever." The blonde pouted.

"Very grown-up of you."

"I don't like being an adult, I didn't ask for it. I didn't want responsibilities. I don't want to give up just because it is right to give up sometimes. I'm not like you!"

"Do you really think I want to give up? Seriously? Do you think you're alone in this? I'm fucking helping you! You know we don't stand a chance!"

"I think you're trying to find yourself a quick way out because this thing we did, we have, is messy and unclear and fucking dangerous. And you hate to be messy. Oh you hate it so much! But you know what? I ruined your suit, your hair is having a very bad day and you smell of damn good sex. You already are messy."

"If I can't help myself who will? You? I don't think so. You're too busy pretending to be naive. And I'm too old to play kindergarten with you."

"Stop this _I'm too old_ bullshit. You are gorgeous and you just made love to me like no one before!" When Sharon smirked Brenda rolled her eyes. "Oh God I'll never hear the end of it!"

"Don't worry, I'll keep your secret."

"What a gentleman!"

"Yes, well, except the man thing."

"I know! Ain't that awesome?" Brenda smiled contentedly.

"I don't know what to say. I'll just ask you to drop the subject. I have a bad feeling."

"Why? Aren't you flattered that you're the only woman I've ever liked that way? Or probably any other way you can think of."

"Actually I'm not. It just makes the mess messier. And now it's time to say goodbye to your toy-boy. Or toy-lesbian."

"Are you a lesbian?"

Sharon stared at her. "Don't you think it's a bit too late to discuss our sexual preferences?"

"Do you think I am?"

"Please don't. I can't have this conversation now."

"You seem so well-informed about this stuff, just help me out a bit."

"Are you trying to keep me here by playing dumb?"

"Maybe yes. But I want to know too."

"Ok… Let me see." Sharon posed as she was thinking very hard. "I fucked you. Twice. And you seemed to enjoy it. But you didn't fuck me." Brenda tried to argue but Sharon shushed her. "You said I love you during the first _date_ and you know what they say about lesbians… But talking about the possibility of some kind of future between us scares the shit out of you. So my very professional conclusion is that the straight you is even with the lesbian you. Satisfied?"

"You didn't count one thing. I do want to fuck you. I want to make love to you."

"You're really eager to get that rainbow flag, aren't you?"

"I'm starting to see the advantages."

"Such as?"

"This." She kissed Sharon lips. "And this." She left feathery kisses on the woman jaw. "And this. And this." Sweetly nipped her earlobe. "And this." Her neck, her cleavage. "And this."

"I think I get the point."

"Good. But I'm not finished." Brenda slipped slowly onto the floor, kissing the Captain's stomach. The Captain's thighs. Spreading her legs. Making room for herself.

"Brenda…"

"Tell me what to do."

"Oh God."

Brenda looked up and gently took Sharon's hand guiding it on her head.

"Show me."

"I can't." But she was lying and she knew it. Brenda felt the grip on her hair tightening and she knew too.

Brenda smiled. "It's ok, baby."

Sharon's taste was different from hers. Brenda didn't know what she was doing, she just let herself get lost in this new, hot, wet, soft sensation. And she loved every second of it, every little move Sharon made, every little moan she could get. When Sharon came it was too soon.

She wanted to taste more, to feel more. She didn't stop and didn't need Sharon's hand anymore because suddenly everything was clear and easy and powerful. She had never been so selfish, she had never been so selfless. And she'd never been so much into anything else in her life.

Sharon trembled hard as she came again, shaking so much that Brenda worried she had done something wrong. She climbed Sharon's body and hugged her tightly. Shushing her lover's sobs with her hands, with her kisses.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I can't remember why I can't stay here anymore."

Brenda held Sharon, truly for the first time. With every fibre of her body, with every inch of her skin. Wanting nothing else than making her feel safe, protect her.

And knowing that she couldn't. That she had failed and she was the only one to blame.

"I have to tell you something."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

"I have to tell you something."

Sharon was playing absently with a blonde lock. "What is it?"

"I didn't have a fight with Fritz."

Sharon's look was puzzled. "Then why were you crying?"

When she had imagined this moment previously that afternoon she hadn't imagined it like this. She hadn't imagined they would have been almost naked and that she would have somehow stopped hating the Captain. How silly of her thinking it would have been fun to break the woman, even just a little bit. Brenda blushed for her own lack of foresight. "Don't be mad."

"Brenda why were you crying?" Slowly the truth sank in. "Brenda!"

"I'm sorry."

"You faked it. God, you faked it."

Brenda couldn't speak, couldn't even apologize.

"I'm not a perp Brenda, you can't deceive me just to get a confession!"

"I wasn't… I didn't mean…"

"Right, it wasn't a confession you were looking for."

"Don't be so gross now…"

"Me? Gross? Do you have any idea how foolish I feel right now? Did you really need to trample on my self-esteem to get laid?"

"It's not like that…"

"And how is it?"

"This thing… between us… it was there long before today. I just wanted to know what is was."

"Well I hope you got your answers 'cause it's all you'll get."

"You can't be serious. We can't go back!"

"I already did Chief. Now get off of me." Sharon shoved Brenda aside and started dressing up.

"I'm sorry, please I'm so sorry. But if I hadn't use that stupid trick we wouldn't have ever gone this far. And it was a cheap trick too. But you fell for it. Did you ask yourself why?"

"Oh Chief the more you talk the easier it is to leave."

"You wanted to believe it. You wanted all of this as much as I did!"

"The difference is that you got the truth, I got the lies."

"But…"  
>"I don't want to talk about this. Ever. Did I make myself clear?"<p>

"I…"

Sharon turned angrily to her. "Did I make myself clear!"

"Yes."

"Now put yourself together. You look too much like a whore for this office."

And with that she was gone.

Brenda stayed on the couch. Defeated. Angry at herself. Why did she have to come clean? Couldn't she just lie as she always did? She had hurt Sharon, herself, cheated on her husband, destroyed something preciously beautiful.

She looked to the clock on the wall. It took only a couple of hours.

When Sharon got home she didn't bother to turn on the desk lamp. She went through the hallway, the living room. Passed by the bathroom and in the kitchen, almost stumbled on a chair opening the fridge. The feeble light burnt her eyes. What she was doing? Why was she staring at the device? She couldn't recall. Eggs, milk, tomatoes. Wine. That's it. She wanted a glass of wine. She needed to hold onto normal things. She always had a glass of Merlot after work. And tonight it was not different. She'd drink her poison, take a shower, go to bed. It was just another fucking day in her fucking life. No need to worry. No need to change habits. 'Cause nothing happened, nothing relevant anyway.

Fritz was watching a documentary on TV. Dinner was on the small table in front of him. "Hi baby, you're late. There's something left in the kitchen. Do you want me to heat it up?"

"No thank you, it's been an awful day, I just want to take a shower and lay down 'til tomorrow."

"Why? What happened?"

"Oh honey, nothing relevant." She mentally kicked herself. Did she really want to screw everything up with him too? But Fritz seemed oblivious and smiled warmly to his wife. "Can I at least have a kiss? I'm not just the housekeeper here, you know?"

"I know honey, of course I know." Brenda said, leaving him alone in the room.

In the bathroom she locked the door. Then unlocked it. She took off her clothes and checked her skin in front of the mirror, looking for embarrassing marks. Satisfied, Brenda turned on the water. Watching the small clouds of steam she sighed, feeling a lump in her throat. She wasn't one of those women. She was not and she wouldn't cry herself out in the shower. But under the hot jet her body ached. Her own touch reminded her of someone else's hands. And between the shampoo and the conditioner she was forced to face the truth. She was indeed one of those women.

Sharon lay across the bed, the empty glass still in her hand, the power-suit still on. It wasn't so powerful a few hours ago. It was not so powerful now, all creased and ruined and smelling of sex. She opened her jacket and let her shirt free of the pants. Her skin was so warm and the memories so painful. She stood up and went quickly into the kitchen. She stumbled again on the same chair but didn't notice. Took off her clothes, all of them, and threw everything in the trashcan. Naked and panting she stayed in the middle of the dark room. Too old, she thought, too old for this, it's so cold I'll catch my death. Back in her room she knew she wouldn't take a shower. Tonight she'd make an exception just to feel her a little longer.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Things could always get worse. This was a notion one could ever rely on and never be disappointed with. Hope, that was what would screw you over and over, never losing its strength.

Sharon was glad she had at least 24 hours to recover before going in Pope's office and having life kick her ass once more.

"Captain Raydor, please have a seat." The corner office was particularly tidy. No papers or files on the desk, just a couple of expensive pens. The computer was off and a big mug of coffee was waiting beside the keyboard. Sharon had always wondered what exactly an Assistant Chief's duties were. He wasn't Chief of Police, forced to meet big guys around town to make everybody happy. And not a Deputy Chief, like Brenda, who had actual crimes to deal with. So, except being her personal pain in the ass, what the hell Pope was doing all day in this lonely, sunny corner office? She was so frustrated and with so little sleep that she was about to ask it out loud when finally noticed the Chief was talking to her.

"…so I think that you should be the one doing it. Major Crimes and Deputy Chief Johnson are too important to the LAPD to be handled by some FID rookie who just wants the spotlights for himself."

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you are asking."

"I get your reluctance. I know I'm putting you in a really bad position…"

"I don't think you know." Sharon mumbled.

"What?"

"Please Chief go on. I understand time is an issue."

"Yes it is. The sooner we close this investigation, the better."

An investigation? Why did FID have to investigate Major Crimes? Why did she have to do it?

"God Chief just tell me what you want me to do already!"

Why Captain Raydor was so jumpy? He'd never get women, not even in a million years. "I thought I just told you that."

"Well Chief, obviously not."

Arguing with her right now seemed way too dangerous. "The Chief of Police is worried about the long list of complaints Major Crimes has collected in the last year and wants you to lead a full investigation in order to clean the division's reputation up."

"If you already know what the results will be why bother me?"

"Of course we don't know the results! That was just my personal opinion. We all know Chief Johnson can sometimes be flexible… about rules but at the end of the day she is a great cop who always gets closure."

So it didn't matter if Brenda fucked you ten years or ten minutes ago. You'll always have a dumb smile talking about how flexible she was. As Sharon thought about Will and Fritz she couldn't help feeling an ass, just like them, a stupid puppet.

-o-

Sharon had honestly believed that not entering her office again in such a short period would have been a wise decision. It was not.

The two women were standing in the murder room, the heart of Major Crimes. All the men present could feel the tension and were ready to hide under their desks as soon as the earthquake hit them. It wasn't different from every other time. Yet it was.

"I'm not sure I heard you correctly."

"I'll try with simpler words then. I was asked to lead an investigation to reassure the Chief of LAPD police that Major Crimes' conduct in the last year has been as impeccable as we all wish it was."

"I won't let anybody question my judgment." Her southern accent getting thicker each second.

"Why? If you think you've always handled things properly you shouldn't be worried."

"And surely I don't need YOU to question it."

"Me? What about me?"

"Well… everybody knows…"

"Knows what?"

Brenda was on the verge of panic. She turned to her officers looking for help. "Y'all know what I'm talkin' about!" But everybody was too busy doing nothing to answer. "You Captain... you hate me!" God she was being so childish! And it was all that woman's fault!

"I do not. And I expect you to be as much of a professional as I will. Now, if you have done complaining, I need to collect some files and then go back to work."

"Lieutenant Tao please help Captain Raydor with everything she needs." As Tao immediately stood up Brenda nodded to the brunette and went back in her office.

Once there, she closed the door and the blinds and sat behind her desk but was still able to hear Sharon's voice.

She felt like she wasn't in charge of anything anymore. Her job was being questioned by her boss. Her life was being questioned by herself. And now everything seemed to be tied to the one person she wanted to never see again.

-o-

In the late afternoon Sharon was going through the files a reluctant Lieutenant Tao had let her borrow. She was trying to focus on the matter at hand but she could only see Brenda's look, so lost and angry. She was sure the blonde was thinking Sharon was enjoying all of this. She loathed every minute and wanted to get over with this mock investigation as soon as possible. And in order to do so she knew she needed to see the Chief several times in the next weeks.

A knock on the door scared her so much that she let go of the pen she was holding. She bent under her desk searching for it and said. "Come in."

"No need to hide Captain, I won't bite you. This time."

Sharon slowly got up and shot Brenda a deadly look. "Chief, which fortunate circumstances bring you here?"

Brenda had spent all day preparing a nice speech about clearing up where they both stood, or where they should, and how she thought they need an honest talk before moving on. Now, being in the same room with Sharon, not her finest idea.

The Captain's jacket was on the back of her chair. Her shirt's sleeves were up enough to show well-shaped arms. Her perfume was overwhelming and her cleavage wide.

Sharon wore her black-framed glasses to look to the Chief.

"Are you going to say something or just stare at me like I'm a cake you want to cut in tiny slices and then eat it all up?"

"That's not how I'm looking at you."

"You can talk, that's good news. Please, do not stop now."

"I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour this morning. I didn't see it coming. The investigation, I mean."

"Isn't hard to believe you have troubles thinking about consequences."

"Listen Captain, I came here in peace and…"

"I know why you came here. If that's all, I'd like to get back to these files."

"Yes, that's it." Brenda turned but stopped in front of the closed door. "Is this how it will be from now on?"

"I can't really see the difference, Chief."

"Well, I can."

-o-

The club was noisy and full of people. Sharon was sitting at the bar with an almost empty glass of wine. When the blonde had left her office she wasn't able to get any work done. She needed her thoughts to let go of Brenda, she needed to occupy her time with something else, something easier to handle. Maybe someone else.

"Can I buy you another glass?" Sharon smiled. Finally a game she was well aware of every rule. A game she could safely play blinded.

The man signed the waiter to fill her glass. He could have been forty something, with dark hair and a cocky smile. "My name is…"

"It doesn't matter, does it? I would forget it in a few hours anyway." Her voice was sweet stating the truth.

"You're right. Then why bother with a chatty chat neither of us really care about and leave already?"

"Glad you get my point." Sharon was climbing off the bar stool when the man asked. "My place or yours?"

"I can see your expectations are still too high."

Sharon led the man in an ally nearby. He laughed. "You're not one to lose your time"

"I just give things the time they deserve." He quit laughing; she could see he was getting angry. "Are we going to get over with this any time soon?"

He shoved her against the wall but not enough to hurt her. Her skirt was up her waist in a matter of seconds. His hand was roughly touching her, desperately trying to get her wet. His mouth was on her neck and when he bit the same spot already marked by Brenda she couldn't help a cry. He saw the mark no longer covered by the make up and gave it his own interpretation. "You do this often? With a man in an ally?"

"Do you need to feel special to have a hard on?" Finally he was where she wanted him. Furious. He took her panties aside and entered her without caring anymore if she was wet or not. She wasn't and it hurt. But that was what she was looking for, feeling so good or so bad enough to stop thinking of the blonde. Of her lies, her touch, her painful games, her beautiful kisses.

-o-

Fritz was in the mood to cuddle. Brenda was in the mood to pick a fight.

"Are you listening to me? They put me under investigation! And asked that woman to do it!"

"Yes, you've been saying so since you came home. An hour ago."

"And that's how you show support?"

"I'm just hugging my wife."

"It's annoying!" He let her go and left the couch. "Come on Fritzi, I'm sorry. I didn't mean annoying-annoying! I'm so mad right now, don't you understand?"

"Then I'll leave you to deal with that."

"Fritz!" But he was already heading to the bedroom.

"God Fritz, you're such a girl sometimes!"

Fritz transfixed half way. He slowly turned to his wife. "What did you say?"

"I… I…"

"I don't know what to do with you. No matter how hard I try, sometimes I think you're just helpless." Brenda didn't say a word so he went on. "I'd be really glad if you'd sleep in the guest room tonight." And with that Brenda knew the fight was over.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

After a week of studying Major Crime's cases Captain Raydor was ready for a first meeting with Chief Johnson. Sadly that implicated Sharon had to meet Brenda too.

Her feet weren't cooperating on her way to the elevator.

And once inside she pushed the wrong button. When she realized her mistake it was too late, she was already going to the ground floor. Half a dozen cops entered the lift and she had to make several stops before getting to the Major Crime's level. This little trip didn't help in calming her nerves.

Brenda's door was slightly open and Sharon looked inside. The blonde was animatedly speaking on the phone and showed no sign of noticing her. The Captain waited patiently, listening to the blonde passionately defending her decisions regarding a suspect. Her features were tense, her look focused. She was beautiful. So beautiful, Sharon was feeling sick. Brenda brushed a lock behind her ear and Sharon could feel the softness in her own hand. Her grip tightened on the files she was carrying.

"Captain? How long have you been there? Come in please."

"Good morning Chief."

"Have a seat."

"Thank you." Once settled Sharon went straight to the point. "I've been reading your reports on some of the old cases and I have a few questions for you."

"Of course."

"The first…"

"Want some chocolate?"

"What? No. The first thing…"

"I love to start my day with a chocolate bar. It makes everything prettier. Doesn't it?"

"I'm not sure, Chief. I was…"

"You should try. Maybe chocolate could take away all those little worry lines on your forehead."

Sharon breathed deeply, her eyes wandered around the room unsuccessfully trying to calm down.

"Chief, we have work to do."

"I was only trying to be nice and friendly."

"And you just prove you can't." The Captain snapped.

"Well you're certainly not helping either."

Sharon decided that the best thing to do was to let it go.

"My first question is about…"

Unfortunately you need both parties to let something go. "I do think we can be nicer to each other, maybe not friends but nicer yes."

Sharon stood up, dropped the files not too kindly on the table and closed the door loud enough for everybody in the murder room to turn their head. Back to the desk she leaned on it. "I will not be your friend. I will not be nicer. I don't even have any kind of respect left for you as a person. Now you are dangerously putting at risk my respect for you as a police officer. Do you really want that?"

After a long silence Brenda was able to speak again without burst into silly, humiliating tears. "I just want to make things right. I already apologised. I'm deeply sorry I screwed everything up. Why can't you forgive me?"

"And why should I? Because everybody else does? Are you that spoiled?"

Brenda left her chair and in a few steps was in front of the brunette who immediately crossed her arms. "What do you want Chief?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No, not to me."

Another step forward and Brenda could smell the other woman's distinctive scent. She reached out and Sharon tried to stop her. "Don't. Don't do this."

"If I'm as much of a selfish spoiled bitch as you think I am, you should know that I will." Her hand already on Sharon's jacket, climbing up. When her cold fingers touched her neck, Sharon shuddered. And this made Brenda bolder. With the other hand she slowly took off the Captain's glasses putting them neatly on the table. "The first time we made love I thought I would have drowned in those eyes." Brenda closed the distance and gently kissed her lips. Sharon couldn't move. She wanted to leave. She wanted to give in. And her body was trapped in such different orders. Brenda seemed not to care that her kiss wasn't being reciprocated. She wanted this woman so much she couldn't bother herself with small details.

"My first question is about the Ramirez case." The voice was weak but undeniably there.

"What?" Brenda was completely taken aback.

"I need to know why you and your team waited six hours before mirandizing the suspect." The blonde was still holding Sharon's head, not sure of what was going on.

"The husband was found by a patrol car leaving town…"

"Sharon?" The other woman was standing still, with her eyes closed.

"His clothes were blood-stained…"

"Don't do this to me, please."

"And a knife was found under the car seat."

"Don't push me away."

"You had the suspect under your custody as soon as the CSU was finished with him."

"Ok Captain, ok." Brenda let go of her and went back to her chair, as she looked back Sharon was seated and wearing her glasses. Her voice was steady again.

"I need to know why it took you so long to mirandize him."

Brenda's mouth was open but no sound was coming.

"Chief, do you need me to repeat the question?"

"No, Captain, no. We didn't have enough evidence. We had the knife and his clothes, sure, but we were looking for a motive and canvassing the neighbourhood for witnesses to wrap the case up."

"I see."

"Do you need more details?"

"Not for now, thank you. We can skip to next question."

"I'm all ears, Captain."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Lust. Bad stuff. Lust and feelings? You might as well shoot yourself. Brenda woke up from an awful dream. All sweaty she got rid of the dead weight of her husband's arm on her chest. No wonder she had nightmares if he was trying to suffocate her in her sleep. Here she was again, it wasn't her husband's fault if she'd got the hots for that woman. Obviously it was that woman's fault. If only Sharon could forgive her and maybe indulge, every now and then, in the same lust she was sure they both still shared, life would be perfect. No more nightmares, no more embarrassing business meetings in her office. And she could be even more focused on her marriage.

L.A.'s air was cool on her face. It was April; Sharon couldn't believe a whole month had already passed by. Her heels were getting uncomfortable but she loved to walk at night. Listening to the city, being no one, nowhere. After a few more attempts at sleeping with strangers she had given up. She found herself no longer able to fight lust with lust. A sad discovery. Probably connected with her age. So she quit fucking and started walking. It was healthier too. And she could let her mind wander, play with what ifs. What if Brenda wasn't a crazy lunatic? What if she wasn't a manipulative bitch? What if she was a little less sensitive in her job and a little more sensible in her life? Would she feel the same for Brenda anyway?

The Chief was done trying to sleep. Fritz's light snoring was getting straight into her head. She went into the guest room and opened the window. Fresh air for fresh thoughts. She put on an old yellow cardigan and sat leg-crossed on the bed. She didn't notice the mobile in her hands until Joel jumped on her lap. Absently stroking the cat, she thought that if she didn't plan it then it couldn't be her fault. Things happen. Stupid things happen even more often. Brenda flipped open the phone and wrote. "I can't sleep because of you." It was the truth. Nothing more, nothing less. She waited for a while and when she was about to doze off a loud beep filled the room. "Shit!" She held her breath but no sounds were coming from her room. She looked at the text. "I keep walking because of you." So she was still with her in this madness. Wasn't this what she was wishing for? Then where was all this sudden fear coming from?

Brenda wasn't texting back. Good. Sharon shouldn't have answered the message in first place. It was almost 3 a.m.; she blamed the late hour for her temporary weakness.

She left the guest room and went back in her bed. She couldn't afford more mistakes. She needed to be prepared this time. Make up some sort of plan as Sharon had told her to that day. Brenda knew that if she wanted to succeed she should first have a clear goal in her mind. But she couldn't think about that right now. She just wanted to do things properly.

-o-

After a long weekend off, Brenda was back at work. She had agreed with Captain Raydor for a meeting every Monday morning until the investigation would be over. She hadn't sent any more texts and they both kept a professional façade during their weekly encounter. It was boring and quite irritating being forced to justify every little step of a case and the more trivial the details, the more Raydor seemed to enjoy herself. God that woman. Every time she had talked with this arid bureaucrat in the past weeks Brenda had looked for a clue, anything to be reminded of the sweet, passionate person who once held her so tight.

She looked at the woman in front of her. Sharon was strong, meticulous, smart, single-minded and stubborn. Somehow Brenda had grown to like this side too, and now where other people saw harshness she saw outspokenness, where everybody else saw severity she saw integrity.

Of course all this getting soft wasn't something Brenda was willing to admit.

She was proud of herself for being so professional. She was trying to prove she could be a grown-up, she could separate work and emotions, manage lust and resist temptations. And she wanted to prove it to Sharon, gain her trust and respect back. Caring so much of someone else's opinion was new to her. And she felt silly. Funny how the more she acted as an adult the more childish she was truly being.

That night she waited for Fritz to fall asleep then went in the guest room. This time she consciously took her phone. Since Sharon left her office she's been thinking of what she should write, but didn't come up with anything appropriate. Should she be romantic? Hot? Vague? She wasn't able to pick a tone. She snorted with impatience. She couldn't spend the night there, what if Fritz woke up? She opened the phone and 20 second later the message was sent.

Sharon was laying in bed. Waiting. The blonde had been too calm this morning, too focused on the job. Obviously she was up to something. Beep. With the quickness of a thirteen year old Nintendo player she grabbed the mobile from the nightstand and flipped it open. "I can feel your hands."

"Because I'm touching you." Sharon pushed OK. But the phone was wrong. It wasn't ok.

When Brenda fell asleep she dreamt of skilful long fingers.

-o-

They started a new routine. Most of the days they didn't cross paths. During Monday meetings they talked strictly about work. No calls, no attempts at politeness. No efforts to catch a glimpse of each other. But at night.

At night things shifted, doors were opened. They exchanged messages. No more than one or two. But it was every night. At 4 a.m. after a rough case, at 9 p.m. on a lazy Sunday evening. They were hiding from the world, hiding from themselves, secretly hoping that what they were doing wasn't really happening.

"The old lady today… she was so shaken she couldn't even cry. God, I just want your arms around me."

"I have no idea what you are talking about. As usual. But I'll take your word for it and hold you as long as you need me to."

"Provenza said you were wearing a red dress and up to no good. I told him next time he should take a picture."

"It wasn't red. It was burgundy. And if he just shows the desire to take a picture of me I'll have him in jail in no time."

"The day was awful. Then I sat on the couch. I swear I could smell you."

"I doubt that. But I'm glad hallucinating about me helped you through the day."

"Needing something sweet."

"You. Me. A giant bowl of smarties."

"Something naughty?"

"Finally sexting."

"Sexting?"

"Never mind."

"Ok this morning I looked up sexting on the google thing. Totally up for it!"

"You looked up sexting on your office's computer?"

"Yeah… why?"

"You do know they control our computers, don't you?"

"You just spoiled the mood."

"Sharon?"

"Yes, Brenda?"

"Sharon…"

"God, it's one of those days…"

"I want you here."

"Wouldn't that be a little too hard to explain to Agent Howard?"

"He's not home. He comes later every night. I think something's wrong."

"I'm not your therapist."

"What are you then?"

"Let's all think about it for a few days, shall we? Night Brenda."

It was their first argument. The first since they quit talking and started texting. They both knew that what they had wasn't enough yet too much. They needed to move forward and at this point any path looked good.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

The case was at a deadlock. They were waiting for the autopsy report and for the CSU to work their magic pointing them in the right direction. The guys were in the murder room with nothing to do but feel frustrated. Brenda was looking at them from her office. She was at a deadlock too. But if she couldn't do anything about the case maybe she could do something for herself.

"Gentlemen, I think we're just wasting precious time to rest. Let's go home, I'll see you all tomorrow at 8."

"But Chief…"

"God Flynn didn't you hear the lady? Go out and get yourself a life!"

Grateful to Provenza, Brenda nodded and went back to her office to collect her things. "Bye bye now!"

Sharon wasn't answering her messages. It was a week now, nine days, not that she was counting. This was one of those times her instinct was telling her that bending the rules was the only way. In the parking lot she called Fritz. As often in the last couple of months it went straight to voice mail. "Hi hon. I'll be late. Guess you'll be late too. Well… see you at home."

She waited in her car 'til she spotted a well-know figure getting into a dark blue BMW. After the car passed her by she switched the engine on and followed it. With her lights off. "Oh for heaven's sake!" Brenda cried at herself, turning them on. This wasn't a tailing in the woods. Why she was so nervous? It'd been a long time since she followed a car, she didn't remember it to be so hard. The woman was a fast driver and Brenda never got really used to L.A.'s frantic traffic.

After twenty minutes of torment the BMW finally parked in a quiet neighbourhood with a few clubs on the main street. So she wasn't going home. A stab of jealousy hit Brenda. She watched Sharon enter "The lion's den". What an awful name. What the hell was Sharon doing there? She took her purse and headed to the club. It was big and dark. The walls and the chairs were covered in a warm red. She found a booth in the corner where she could watch the woman without being noticed. Sharon was sitting at the bar nursing a glass of Merlot. Good idea, Brenda ordered it too. A cop's job sometimes is just waiting for the suspect to make a mistake. Was that what she was doing?

The Captain crossed her legs and brought the wine to her lips. Each tiny movement was calm and calculated as she was completely aware of every inch of her own body, forcing whoever was looking to be aware, too. Brenda would have hate it in every other person, would have thought of it as pretentious and annoying. But Sharon's slowness was nothing more than hot. And the blonde found herself once again hypnotized by the sultry, sensual woman.

A man approached Sharon, brutally snapping Brenda out of her thoughts. She immediately felt sick. Raydor was laughing at some lame joke. She was sure it was lame, the whole situation was lame. The man was tall and a lot younger, even younger than Brenda and with no respect for personal space. Not that the Captain seemed to mind. At all. Ooooh that woman! The man leaned forward and rested a hand on Sharon's knee. Brenda wanted to cut off that sweaty limb. Of course it was sweaty. Who wouldn't be sweaty touching that beautiful perfect knee? She was glad that at least Sharon was wearing pants.

When she had enough and was about to wave the waiter for the bill the man suddenly left. Sharon was alone again. But for how long? How many men would hit on her tonight? Brenda couldn't stay there and watch but it was like passing by a car accident. You know you shouldn't look but you can't help it. Horror was damn powerful. And that was what she was feeling, horror.

She grabbed her glass and drank all the wine up. Maybe it would have been more effective if it were whisky.

Two minutes later the waiter came by and left another glass of Merlot on her table. "I'm sorry, I didn't ask…"

"The dark-haired lady at the bar sent it to you."

"Oh." Oh! "Thank you." Her head fell in her hands. She was so embarrassed.

"This is sexual harassment. And to a FID officer. I could have your badge by tomorrow."

Brenda kept her face covered. "I can give it to you right now. I think I'll stay here 'til I die."

Sharon sat down. "Can I watch?"

"How long did you know I was here?"

"You really can't follow a car. I actually had to slow down a couple of times. I wonder how you passed the academy. Oh, wait. You probably slept your way through there, too."

"Feel free to insult me. I deserve it."

"Too easy. Care to tell me what you want?"

"No."

"Can you at least move your hands? I want to look at you."

"No."

"Come on…" Sharon gently removed Brenda's hands. "Here we go."

The blonde looked into familiar green eyes. "You're not mad."

"I should be, shouldn't I? Yet I can't. It's just too much fun I guess."

"I'm sure. Thanks for the wine."

"My pleasure. I noticed you were quite thirsty."

"I wasn't… It was that stupid guy all over you!"

Sharon stared at her, a smirk forming on her mouth.

"But I wasn't jealous." Brenda added in a hurry.

"You weren't?"

"Of course not. Just worried. He didn't look a decent guy. At all."

"So if he were a decent guy you would have been absolutely ok if, let's say, I would have gone with him to the ally in the back of the club."

Brenda burst out laughing. "Yes, sure."

"What's so hilarious?"

"Just… you know…" The blonde gestured vaguely in the Captain's direction.

"No, I don't."

"God, you can't be serious!"

"Yeah… well… I wasn't." Sharon gave up with a tense smile.

"You see… I know you."

"Yeah, you do."

Brenda could feel she was missing something but decided to change the subject. "So, you come here often?"

"Actually, I don't. I just thought that the name suited the situation."

"I don't understand."

"You, here. I could play the lion."

"I bet you'd be great."

"Why did you followed me Brenda?" All the playfulness gone.

"I… You weren't answering my messages anymore."

"So you thought that forcing my hand would have been a smart move?"

"I wasn't... I'm not forcing your hand."

"Brenda..." Sharon looked away, trying to fight the tears coming suddenly from nowhere.

Brenda slightly touched her face. "You're so beautiful."

"I've already been told that, it's not gonna work."

"Look at me." But Sharon didn't move. "Look at me, baby."

"You have no right to call me that."

"It's true but…"

"But what?" Brenda jumped as soon as jade eyes pinned her. "But what, Brenda? Every time we see each other you try to steal a little piece of me. Every text, every meeting, you try to get some more. The truth is that I don't have much left."

"I guess it's my turn to ask what you want."

"I want you. I wanted you from the moment I laid my eyes on you. But what really matters is what I don't want. I don't want to be played 'cause you're getting bored at home. I don't want to not know where you stand. I don't want to share you and I don't want to be your little secret affair."

"Ok."  
>"Ok what?"<p>

"I don't want to have an affair. I don't want you to think I'm using you, 'cause I'm not. I'm not using you. What I feel is real and deep and painful. But I can't leave Fritz. I can't be with you holding hands in the street. I can't now, I'm not ready."

Sharon leaned back, opening her mouth to breathe, closing her eyes not to look at the blonde.

Brenda went on. "But please be patient with me. Don't give up on me. Even if you think I don't deserve it. Please stay with me."

Brenda got closer and caressed Sharon face. "Baby?"

Yes, she took that too, the right to call her baby. "What?"

"I'm going to kiss you."

"People will watch, Chief."

"Right now it's just you and me." She closed the distance and her lips were so soft and Brenda had missed them so much, she just wanted to cry. When Sharon kissed her back she tasted wine. She liked that, she wanted more. She deepened the kiss, cupping her face with both hands. She couldn't breathe anymore but couldn't let go. When Sharon pulled off she felt lost. "Let's get out of here." Raydor left a few bills on the table and took her hand leading her outside.

"Where's your car?"

Brenda nodded to the grey Ford on the other side of the street. "You can leave it there." Sharon started to walk still holding her hand. "Where are we going?"

Sharon stopped abruptly and turned back. "Are you going to say no tonight?"

"What?"

"Are you going to say no tonight?" Sharon repeated with more intention.

"No." Brenda whispered.

"Ok, then come with me."

The walk was silent. Sharon's pace was too quick for Brenda but she didn't ask to slow down.

The Captain stopped five minutes later in front of a one level house. It was too dark to guess the colour, maybe white or a pale yellow.

"Is this…"

"Shhh, I don't want to talk anymore." Sharon found the keys and turned the lock. Once both were inside, the older woman leaned on the door. She was breathing quickly and waited a few moments before letting her bag fall. She slowly took off her jacket and unbuttoned her shirt that soon followed the purse on the floor. Brenda couldn't move, her eyes on her lover's body. Sharon reached out and gently caressed her cleavage. Then grabbed her by the clothes and pulled her closer to kiss her. Brenda almost lost her balance. The kiss wasn't sweet, it was rough and passionate. Sharon held her tight and turned them, pushing Brenda against the door. With her thigh she spread the blonde's legs and Brenda moaned huskily. Sharon helped her to get rid of the sweater and feeling Brenda's skin against hers diverted her attention from her task. A desire to just hold her, feel her like she was hers, like they could somehow melt together, slipped inside her mind. But she was quick to recover and started kissing every inch of that skin, biting every secret place.

She fell on her knees and undressed Brenda completely. She looked up. Brenda was glowing in the dark; her blonde locks framed her gorgeous features. A wide smile was there, her smile for Sharon. She stood up, never breaking eye contact. "You are so beautiful. I want to make love to you." Brenda kissed her again, kissed away all the bad things, all the bad thoughts. And suddenly everything was clean and pure.

Sharon's hand was on her chest, slowly going down. When she felt soft curls she pulled off the kiss to look her in the eyes. To see her lover welcome her touch. "Please." Brenda murmured.

"Please what?"

"I want you inside me."

When Sharon finally contented her lover, Brenda's head bent hard back on the door. She pulled up her legs and closed them around Sharon's waist. "I love you. I love you." Brenda couldn't stop herself; those words kept falling from her mouth. And this time was different from the first. This time wasn't about here and now anymore. And this time Sharon believed her. They had changed.

The world hadn't. But maybe in the future…

Brenda came, crying between her arms. Her legs so weak, Sharon had to hold her for a while, kissing her tenderly.

When she felt her strength coming back Brenda said. "Don't you have a bedroom?"

"Yes, yes I do." Sharon smiled.

"And what's wrong with it?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

"You just had to ask."

"Oh boy! And why did you break my poor back against the door?"

"Just trying to be romantic, Chief."

"To be honest Captain, you managed that quite well."


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Every morning at 6 o'clock Sharon Raydor woke up ready to start her day. Most of those mornings Sharon Raydor was awake way before the alarm, with nowhere to go and lots of dark thoughts to keep her company. That particular morning Sharon Raydor hit the clock off the nightstand and turned to the other side. She had kept her eyes shut but she was sure she was alone. What was she thinking last night? God, she couldn't trust herself anymore. She grabbed the pillow and put it on her head. Her shampoo… Great. She took the fluffy hostile object and threw it away.

"Hey!"

Hey? "Brenda?"

"Were you expecting someone else?"

Sharon finally opened her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh… I'm sorry. I thought… Never mind." The blonde moved to get off the bed but Sharon stopped her.

"No! NO!"

"You are sending mixed signals, Sharon."

"I'm sorry, I was sure you had already left."

"Oh... ok."

"I'm happy you stayed. Come here." Brenda was still unsure but let the Captain hug her.

Slowly she relaxed in her lover's arms. "You were so desperate 'cause you thought I left in the middle of the night?"

"I wouldn't say desperate."

"It's cute."

"I don't do CUTE."

"Ok."

"I'm serious."

Brenda blatantly rolled her eyes.

"I hope I don't look as awful as you do."

"Jeee Sharon, next time I'll wake up earlier to put some make up on."

"Next time?"

"Did I say so?"

"You did."

Brenda nuzzled on her neck. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

"No. We can have breakfast."

"Yes! I'm starving."

Brenda was enjoying her pancakes. Sharon was looking at her, sure she had some silly smile printed on her face.

"You're not eating."

"Mmmm?"

"Food, Captain. You're not having any."

"Oh, I'm not hungry."

"Really?"

"And we are late, too. We should take a shower and go to work."

"Is that a proposal?"

"I'm not taking a shower with you, Chief."

"Why?"

Brenda was wearing her robe. It was too big for her. She seemed so minute. Vulnerable. But she was not. Sharon was hopelessly trying to remind herself that this beautiful, delicate woman meant only troubles. But it was hard with all that maple syrup on her lips.

"Sharon? Baby? What are you doing?" Sharon leaned on and cleaned her up with a long passionate kiss.

"That's better."

"Thank you?"

"You're welcome. I'll go get a shower, finish your breakfast."

Why was Brenda in her kitchen? What happened to Fritz? Did she call him while she was sleeping? Did last night change things? Sharon couldn't shut her brain up and the hot water wasn't carrying any answer but at least it was nice. When the shower stall opened she couldn't help a smile.

"You can't take a no for an answer, can you?"

-o-

Brenda had to go home before work. It was already late but she couldn't show up with the same clothes she was wearing the day before. They were men but also detectives. So there was still a chance they could figure something out. And this was not going to happen. She was terrified by her own ability to deny things. Not tiny details but things such as her marriage, Fritz and her job when she was with Sharon. She hadn't been pretending to be calm and happy. She truly was. But now, in her car, the whole world was slowly collapsing on her. Reality was simply catching up with Brenda. And she couldn't breathe. She stopped the car and got out. Her head was spinning and she had to lean on the vehicle. What have I done? God, was it really me? She felt sick. She put a hand on her mouth in an effort not to throw up. But she did anyway. The pancakes. People passed by looking at her thinking she was drunk or something else. Sweaty and pale she got back in the car and decided to give herself five minutes to cry it all out.

-o-

Fritz was waiting for her on the couch. Already suited up and with the briefcase between his feet.

"Good morning Brenda."

"Hi." Brenda froze on the doorstep.

"Or maybe I should say good evening since I don't know which time zone you're living in lately."

"Yes, I'm sorry. Can we talk tonight? I really have to hurry up." She stepped in and headed to the bedroom.

"I didn't sleep. You weren't answering your phone. I called everybody you know. It didn't take long. I called the hospitals, I even called your parents!"

"Mama?" God, her mama was in this story too?

"I called them back to tell them I'd found you."

"Oh thank you Fritzi."

"Thank you, Brenda? Thank you? Where the fuck have you been?"

"I don't want to talk now. We'll do it when I get back from work, ok?" Brenda was desperately trying to gain time to think. The bad taste in her mouth and the dizziness weren't helping.

"We'll talk now."

"I can't Fritz, ok? I just can't now." She tried to walk away but he grabbed her arm. "Are you insane? Let go of me."

"Where did you spend the night?"

"Out, I was out."

"That I know. Where?"

"In a club." And it was true, for a small time she was in a club.

"Till 7 in the morning?"

"Of course not." That's what happened when you had to improvise.

"Brenda start telling the truth or I swear to God…"

"What Fritz? What would you do?" She changed tactics.

"If you don't tell me the truth it's over Brenda." So much for offence is the best defence.

"I just need time Fritz, a little bit, please."

"Whatever it is, it's been going on for months. You already had time."

So he knew it. How could he? Or maybe it was a trap and she was falling right into it. Why couldn't she think clearly? Everything was so fuzzy.

She looked firmly in his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Fritz let her go. He walked to the small table under the window and leaned on it. He looked defeated, sad, surrendered. Brenda felt pity. Shouldn't she have felt guilty? What was wrong with her? She reached for him and touched his shoulder. "Fritz?"

He lifted the table with both hands and threw it away. What was with people throwing objects today? Sharon. Sharon in bed, dark messy hair spread on white sheets, sweet morning kisses, her body tensing under the water.

"Brenda!" She was losing her mind. She was losing everything.

He was holding her by the arms. She couldn't move, she knew that Fritz wouldn't ever hurt her. He was a good guy and she had made him mad.

"What did you do?" He would never stop. He'd keep yelling at her forever. She had to make him stop.

"I… I slept with somebody."

She could read it in his eyes, he wanted to slap her. But he wouldn't, she knew Fritz. And Fritz let go of her and hit the wall.

"Who?"

"Who?" Brenda was confused, wasn't it over?

"Who did you sleep with?"

"It doesn't matter who she is!"

The room went dead silent.

Brenda had stopped thinking of Sharon as a woman long time ago. She was just Sharon. But for Fritz it was fresh news.

He turned slowly. "She?" His voice dangerously low.

"Oh Fritz don't be mad!"

"It's a little too late for that, Brenda."

She couldn't stand upright anymore and sat on the couch.

"You're having an affair with a woman?"

"What's the difference?"

"I don't know Brenda. You're the expert, enlighten me."

"God Fritz she is… she's…"

"Who is it?"

"You don't want to know."

"Try me."

"It's Captain Raydor."

"That bitch?"

"She's not a bitch!" Her strength decided to pop out in the perfect wrong moment.

"She screwed my wife. What should I call her? A nice old lady?"

"And she's not old. Jeee…"

"Why Brenda? Why her?"

"Do you really want me to talk about her?"

"How could it be worse?"

"Sharon is… weird. But in a nice way. She's not that nice but somehow she is. She loves her job probably as much I do. So a lot. And she's good at it. A little bit by the book but she has to be. She's funny and smart. And can sort anyone out with a glare. They're green, her eyes, I've never seen… well they're green. She cares, she doesn't show it but she does. She can be cute too. She'd kill me if… but she can be adorable. She's strong and never complains, she always does what needs to be done. Yet there's something vulnerable in her. Something you immediately want to protect. And yes, she can be a bitch too."

Fritz was staring at her.

"Fritz? Talk to me. I told you you didn't want to know."

"No, it's… actually it's ok."

"Ok?"

"Yes. Now I can make a decision. See you tonight Brenda."

"Fritz! What decision?" But he was already out.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

After another shower and changing into clean clothes she got to work. She entered the murder room, rushing to her office.

"Chief. Chief!"

"Not now Lieutenant Flynn, not now." She closed the door and leaned on it. The dizziness wasn't gone yet. She noticed the blinds were open and that everybody was looking at her. She closed the curtains with irritation and dropped on her chair hugging her purse. There was so much to think about that her brain was at a stall. As hard as she tried she wasn't able to process what had happened in the last fifteen hours.

A knock on the door snapped her out of frantic thoughts.

"Come in."

"Hi Chief. Just wanted to say that Commander Taylor is bringing the Loriega kid here in half an hour."

"Thank you Lieutenant Provenza. Is that all?"

"Yes." The old man said but he didn't move, suddenly interested in his own shoes. "When my third wife and I had a big fight, and that was often, I found it helpful to talk to someone about it. Just to have a neutral opinion. You know, a glass of whiskey, a cigar and a man to man chat before going home and start arguing again."

Brenda looked at him puzzled. Was he offering a shoulder to cry on? And most of all was she so easy to read? That chance horrified her.

"Ok. Let me know when the kid is here."

"Sure Chief."

-o-

Brenda left work at six o'clock. She managed to hold herself together but could tell looking in her officers' eyes that she wasn't doing it too well and thought it would be better for everyone to end the day as soon as possible.

Fritz wasn't at home, it was too early anyway and she decided to cook dinner. She never cooked, she couldn't cook at all. Fritz was the one who usually made dinner or called for take away. She'd always thought that kitchen duty was for people who couldn't do anything else. But right now doing something silly was exactly what she needed. Only to find out a few minutes later that it wasn't as easy as she suspected. She put all the ingredients on the table and stared at them, hoping that maybe they'd mix and crawl in a pot by themselves. That was her life too. She had everything yet wasn't able to make it work. Fritz was the best husband she could ever hope for. He was understanding, he bore her flaws and maybe liked them a bit as well. He kept the house clean and gathered her clothes and shoes from everywhere she had abandoned them. He loved her and cared for her. He'd listened to her all night babbling about a case and handled her parents in a way she never could. Oh Mama and Daddy would be so disappointed with her but she couldn't worry about them too now.

She had to admit that her life was beautiful and safe before all of this mess had hit her. That her life was comfortable. Was that all? Comfortable was what everybody was looking for? Being with Sharon wasn't comfortable, was challenging and intense and she was sure that Sharon would never let her get away with anything like Fritz would. That she'd ask her to commit and work as hard as she would. Was she even capable of doing that? Yet she was drawn to the woman. Drawn to all the incredible and misleading sensations she made her feel.

She was used to being taken care of, at least at home, she loved to be cuddled and spoiled. And this brand new need to be the one who protects and looks after somebody else was so confusing. But powerful too. So powerful.

Or maybe it was just lust blurring her judgment and she was dangerously close to throwing her life away for nothing.

Perhaps Provenza was right and she needed a friend. Unfortunately she didn't have any.

-o-

She had waited for Fritz all night but he never came home. Now Will wanted to see her. She really wasn't in the mood.

When she entered his office her breath caught. No, no, no, she wasn't ready for that. Green eyes shifted to look briefly in hers. Something was there but Brenda was too deep in panic to notice.

"Good morning Chief."

"Chief Pope, Captain Raydor. What's going on?"

"Please have a seat, Brenda."

"I'd rather not."

The tension was palpable. Sharon was staring at the wall behind Pope, her fingers were crossed and Brenda could see the knuckles turning white.

"Can someone please talk?" She was desperately trying to keep her voice neutral but was obviously failing.

"Mmmm Brenda… Captain Raydor here has found out something. Maybe it's nothing but she thought I should be informed…"

"Something? About what?"

"The McKurt case."

Brenda looked at him puzzled. What the hell he was talking about?

"The child molester, seven months ago?"

"Oh. Yes. What about him?"

"You couldn't charge him with anything."

"He was a sick smart bastard. So what?"

"You gave his name out at a neighbourhood association." He looked up on the file he was holding. "Protect The Children."

"I'm not sure what your point is, Will."

"The leader of PTC, James Gold, is now the prime suspect in the murder of McKurt."

"He's been killed?"

"Yes, two days ago. It seems that since you had to let him go Gold had harassed him in many creative ways."

"I still don't understand what I have to do with it."

"Captain Raydor and I are worried that if James Gold is found guilty, McKurt's family can sue you and the LAPD."

"Why?"

"Brenda you had no right to give out his name, he wasn't charged with anything!"

"He was a child molester. What did you expect me to do?"

"I don't know Brenda. Respect the law?"

Brenda couldn't face this too. Not now that her life was already sinking.

"And you?" Sharon stiffed her back slightly but didn't look at her. "Captain Raydor, don't you have anything to say? Maybe one of your little smirks would be appropriate."

"Brenda! She just did her job. It's not her fault you screwed up."

But Brenda wasn't listening to him. "Why didn't you come to me first? Why did you have to put me in this situation?"

Sharon finally spoke but her voice came out feeble. "I don't report to you."

"You what? I'm your superior!"

"Not in this investigation."

"Is that what we are talking about?"

"You just pulled rank, Chief."

"And you just reminded me what you really are. A bitch."

"Ladies!" Pope was astonished. And confused, even more so when he watched Raydor looking at Brenda for the first time. Her eyes were rapidly watering and hurt was all over her face.

"Ok, now everybody cool down. Brenda. Brenda? Chief Johnson!" The two women couldn't stop staring at each other. When finally Will's voice snapped Brenda out she turned to him. "What?"

"Nothing has happened yet. This meeting was meant just to have everybody ready in case well… something should happen."

"If we will be sued I don't want her to investigate me again."

"That shouldn't be a problem, Captain Raydor made the same request before you got here." He paused, not sure if he wanted an answer to the question he was about to ask. "Is there something going on that I should know of?"

"Absolutely nothing." Brenda said it to Raydor so it didn't sound very truthful to Pope.

Brenda being mad was a bitterly familiar image but a defeated Captain Raydor was new to him. It made him uncomfortable. He was usually scared of her, she was always so intimidating that seeing her about to fall apart… well he just didn't want to be there to watch.

"Good then I think we're done here. Back to work."

Brenda left right away. Sharon stood up unsteadily.

"Goodbye Chief."

"Yes… goodbye Captain. Good job."

A sad smile and a nod were all he got back and he regretted the compliment, not sure why.

-o-

So now everything was easier. That woman made it easier. Clearly it wasn't love. She screwed her over. She took a mock investigation and turned it into a potential lawsuit. How stupid of her thinking that that woman had a heart. That she cared about her. That she could leave Fritz for her! Fritz would have never stabbed her in the back. She should have been relieved, now she knew what to do. Then why was the only thing she could feel bitterness in her mouth?

-o-

That night she sat in her living room. All lights off, waiting for Fritz. Jumping every time a car passed by. She was so tired; she just wanted to go back to her old life. She didn't realize she had fallen asleep until the door opened.

"Fritz."

"I'm here to take some clothes Brenda, not to be ambushed."

"We need to talk."

"I don't."

"Then I need to talk." He left for the bedroom.

"Fritz!" she followed him. "Please listen to me." He took a bag and started to fill it up.

"I made a mistake. A huge mistake. She distracted me." He gave her a deadly look. "Ok, I let her distract me. I was so confused. I just wanted to make her stop being so righteous and perfect. It sounds childish I know, it was a stupid game but then it just went out of control. And I couldn't think anymore, my brain couldn't work anymore, it was so strong. And wrong. And strong. For God's sake Fritz say something. I'm sure it's happened to you too. To meet someone and get lost in her."

"Yes Brenda. And it was you."

"Oh Fritz... please, please. Don't leave me. We can go back. We can start all over again." She tried to hug him but Fritz pushed her away against the wardrobe.

"You can't undo things. As much as you wish to."

"Then we'll be different. But together. Fritz don't do this to me." She was back on him.

"Do what Brenda?" He pushed her again. "This?" He trapped her between his body and the wardrobe.

She kissed him. Kissed his face, his cheek, his mouth. Trying not to think how rough his skin suddenly seemed. He lifted Brenda and fell with her on the bed.

"Are you thinking of her?"

"What?"

"Are you thinking of her hands?" He pulled down her yoga pants.

"Fritz…"

"Tell me. How she touched you?"

"No."

"Was she tender or firm?"

"Stop it!"

"Really? Do you want me to stop?"

"No…" But she was squinting her eyes to hide the tears.

He cupped her. "Are you wet for me or for her?"

As soon as she started crying he stood up.

"That's why you can't undo things."

Brenda hugged her legs, sobbing. He closed his bag and once at the door he turned to her.

"Did she do something to you today? Did she make you angry?"

Brenda stopped trembling and opened her eyes.

"I guess so."

After he left she laid still until morning.

-o-

The tea was getting cold. Sharon wondered when exactly she had boiled the water because she couldn't even remember getting home. She put a finger in the cup, then in her mouth. She used to do it as a kid, to make sure what was waiting for her. Raspberry? Earl grey? Mellon? Her mom used to give her a piece of cake and a mystery tea every afternoon. Sharon hated surprises but her mom seemed so pleased that she played along.

But she had had too many surprises lately and she wasn't sure she could play along anymore. When she had found out the day before about the murder she had felt something inside breaking. And she discovered that when hope dies, it dies loudly.

She never thought of covering it up because it would have been pointless. But most of all because she wasn't that kind of person, that kind of cop. What she really regretted was accepting the investigation at the beginning. She should have known it was a big conflict of interest. But being close to Brenda had made her soft. Well now this problem was out of the picture. Brenda would never understand her reasons.

That stupid, stupid woman! Everything must always be about her.

Well not anymore, she would make sure of that. She would make Brenda see the truth. What could she lose that she hadn't already?


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Three weeks later Sharon was still trying to figure out how to talk to the Chief without getting killed in the process. She'd heard Fritz had left her but apparently it wasn't such good news since the blonde wasn't answering her calls and was successfully avoiding being alone with her.

Another officer decided to get killed in a shooting so FID and Major Crimes were currently working together. Sharon was doing her best to keep it professional, she had already gotten too close once before and screwed her job up. She didn't want to repeat the experience.

Brenda wasn't so good. She used any chance she got to humiliate her. She had always done that but now Sharon knew it was personal. And it hurt.

She was willing to stay calm and swallow every low blow. After all she didn't make a career jumping on superior officers. But she should have known that Brenda had the ability to bring out the worst in her. And that she wasn't afraid to use it.

"So Captain with which useless and boring details are you going to annoy us today?"

"It's not a detail if someone breaks the chain of custody of the gun used by the killer."

"Oh Captain, we all are very sorry to have disappointed you. But I'll get a confession so the gun won't be so important during the trial."

Sharon looked around the room. Everybody was truly embarrassed. Brenda was giving a poor show.

"You know I'm right."

"I don't have to know anything Captain. This is the way I'm leading this investigation. Take it or leave it. Ooops! You can't leave! So I guess you have only one choice left." Brenda was smiling and even though the smile wasn't reaching her eyes, Sharon lost it.

"Come with me."

"What?"

"You. Come with me. Now."

"I don't take orders from you."

"You do now." Sharon grabbed her arm and dragged her in her office. She stared firmly in Brenda's eyes. "Are you drunk?"

"Captain!"

"You're making a fool of yourself."

"I'm not…"

"You are. And I'm not letting you flush your and my career down the toilet just because you are upset with me."

"Upset? What an understatement."

"God Brenda talk to me. I called you a hundred times…"

"Three." Brenda interrupted her.

"Three?"

"You called me only three times."

"So that's it? I didn't crawl enough?"

"You didn't crawl at all!"

"I was giving you time to think."

"Oh I had plenty of that since Fritz left because I screwed you."

"He knows? How…"

"I told him."

"Were you out of your mind?" The brunette snapped.

"Thank you Sharon, thank you very much for your support."

Sharon put her hands on her own waist and bent back her head breathing deeply. When she was ready she spoke again. "Ok. Let's start this again. You told Fritz about us."

"Yes."  
>"When?"<p>

"The morning after we slept together."

"Ok. Then he left you."

"A few days later, yes."

"Then why didn't you call me? Didn't you think that maybe, I don't know, I would have appreciated being informed?"

The blonde was suddenly out of words.

"Brenda?" Sharon saw a little shame flashing in her eyes. "Oh, I see." She stepped back. "You didn't want him to leave." Her answer was a guilty silence.

"I'm sorry Chief, I completely misjudged the situation."

"No, you…"

Sharon raised her arms. "It's ok, really. I don't know what I was thinking… Obviously you'd never…"

"Sharon…" Brenda realized truly for the first time that Sharon was hurt too. That she wasn't carrying all the pain in this story.

"Chief, please. What matters now is that we find a way to work together."

"I…"

"Good. I think that's all. I have to go. See you tomorrow Chief."

Brenda watched her leaving, rushing out the door. Oh why must everything always be more complicated that she had originally thought?

-o-

It was a bad day in a bad week of a bad month for LAPD Detective Mikki Mendoza. Her girlfriend had left her, her beloved Terrier had gone with her, she couldn't afford her beautiful house before the ocean anymore and on top of everything she was being forced into desk duty so no more perp-ass-kicking to relieve the tension. Life wasn't playing nice with her.

She was lazily driving her sedan out of the HQ parking lot when she spotted a beautiful dark-haired woman getting out of her car and opening the hood.

"Good evening Cap'n Raydor."

"Uhm... good evening..."

"Mendoza, Detective Mendoza. We met during a look-out with Chief Johnson."

"Oh yes sure, you were carrying a doll if I remember correctly."

"Yes it was my mommy-undercover."

"And you used it to knock out the suspect."

"I had to mad'm, he wasn't very cooperative."

"It was quite impressive." smiled Raydor.

"Are you having troubles with your car?"

"Unfortunately I am. I called my mechanic and he'll be here in the morning. I don't know why I bothered opening the hood. I have no idea what I'm looking at."

"Can't help with that but if you want I can give you a ride."

"Oh don't worry, I'll call a cab."

"Really Capt'n, it would be my pleasure and honestly I have nothing better to do."

"If you put it so nicely how can I resist?"

"Sorry Capt'n. My manners are a sore point of mine."

"I'm sure you have other qualities." The two looked at each other. Raydor's eyes were deep green. She hadn't ever noticed that. And they were intense. Too intense to go along with such a cheap compliment and Mikki couldn't help thinking that maybe, maybe, this gorgeous woman was flirting with her. "I'll grab my purse."

Detective Mendoza indulged on the well-shaped body that was walking away. Then kicked herself and got out of the car to open the door.

"You're improving."

"Just tryin' mad'm."

After Raydor gave her the address the ride was quiet. The sunset's light warmed the inside of the car with orange shades and Mikki Mendoza's skin was shining.

Raydor's home was a light yellow one level house with a small yard in the front. The sedan slowed down and parked along the curb.

"Nice place you've got."

"Thanks." Raydor wasn't looking at her. Wasn't even making as if to leave the car. "Do you want to come inside?"

So yes, Raydor was indeed flirting with her. "I... I'd really like that."

The Captain didn't seem particularly happy. More like she had wanted to prove herself and she had just proved too much.

Once inside, Raydor took off her jacket and opened the blinds. She put away her gun and badge in a small safe near the door, trying to avoid facing the woman standing in her living room. When she ran out of excuses she turned to Mikki. "Want something to drink?"

"A beer would be lovely."

"A beer? Maybe Jake left one, let me check."

Back from the kitchen holding a glass of Merlot and a Corona she sat on the couch close to Mikki.

"Jake?"

"Yes Jake is my eldest son. He's almost your age."

"He's a cop too?"

"A lawyer in D.C," Raydor said, then rushed. "Maybe he would fit better." Mikki saw regret flashing green eyes but decided that if the Captain was trying to sabotage whatever was happening she wouldn't let her.

"Well... maybe if he's got your eyes and I'm drop-dead drunk, Captain."

Sharon pouted her lips than released them in a smirk. "I think you can call me Sharon here."

"Ok, then Sharon why are you so nervous?"

"I wouldn't say nervous." Mikki raised a brow. "I'm more... to be honest I always know what i'm doing. But now I don't even know what I want. And Mikki, I'm sorry, I don't think it's something about you."

"You know what I'm really good at?"

Sharon smiled. "Please do tell me detective."

"Keeping it simple."

"I like that."

"Smart brainy women love that, you could never go wrong."

"Oh so you do this often."

"Save beautiful ladies? All the time."

"Beautiful?"

Mikki took her hand and kissed the palm, smiling. Then she let it go and leaned on the couch. "So, how was your day?"

"Small talk, ok. Well my day was annoying, disrespectful, a pain in the ass, blonde and awfully floral."

"I know what you mean."

"Do you?"

"Well, not really, I like Chief Johnson, she's a hell of a cop but I can understand it's easier to take orders from her than trying to get answers." Sharon was silent so Mikki went on. "And she's not bad to look at."

"God she's so pink, pink should be forbidden after you turn six. And that huge bag and those hats. Someone should break it to her, this is not Tara."

"You sound... involved."

"Involved in planning her murder."

"It's a thin line..."

"Are we done with girly chat?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Oh detective you're young but not that young."

Mikki got closer caressing her face. "And I've got a thing for women who use sex as a way to change subject." Before Sharon could answer she caught her lips in a kiss.

Did she really want this? Sleeping with random men was one thing. This was totally different and maybe she was just making things messier. But stopping thinking about Brenda was as much appealing as Mikki's soft lips. And the detective seemed quite skilled indeed.

"Let's move this to the bedroom." Perhaps it wouldn't be extraordinary but extraordinary had almost killed her and now she could easily settle for good enough.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

They didn't make it to the bedroom. They tried, though. But Mikki was kissing Sharon hard and suddenly the bedroom seemed too far away. The young cop removed Sharon's shirt and pulled down the straps of her bra, exposing her breasts. Sharon was walking backwards and stopped when she felt the table behind her.

"You're so beautiful." Mikki murmured against her skin.

"You sound awfully surprised," Sharon chuckled.

"I'm not going there again." The girl captured her nipple.

"Where?" Sharon breathed.

Mikki looked up and possessively cupped her breast. "The age thing. It's only in your mind."

Sharon was quickly losing interest in the conversation. "Is it so?"

"Yes. And I have to warn you that even utterly turned on I keep a clear head. So don't mess with me."

"Multitasking? I love that." The Captain took off the detective's sweater as Mikki fell on her knees.

"And one more thing." The girl said, kissing her belly.

"What?"

"Despite the rank, I usually go first." Sharon busted out in a laugh but became serious again as soon as Mikki rose and turned her, pushing Sharon face first on the table.

Mikki leaned on her and gently caressed away her hair. "Is it ok?"

"Yes."

Mikki's body was pressing on hers and the girl was nipping her neck. "Put your hands on the table." Sharon wasn't very good at taking orders and was surprised when her hands quietly obeyed. Mikki was behind her lifting her skirt, brushing her thighs and Sharon didn't have much to do except enjoy the touch. It wasn't bad not to be the one in control for once. She wasn't in control of her life so why should she be in control now? But when she closed her eyes her mind tricked her and when Mikki removed her panties and stroked her folds for the first time, it was someone else's hand and Sharon moaned, thinking about Brenda. She realized her mistake and opened her eyes. She tried to free herself but Mikki held her down. "Shhh, it's ok."

"No, it's not I.."

"It's the Chief?" Sharon didn't answer, but she stopped fighting.

"I can help you. Let me help you." Her hand was slowly moving again. And Sharon couldn't help bucking against the detective.

"Whatever it is, let it go, I can take it." Her breath was warm on Sharon's ear and her fingers slipped easily inside the Captain.

"You can pretend it's her, you can forget about her until morning, anything that makes you feel better."

Sharon let her body take the lead, turned off her brain and let Mikki fuck her. When she came she imagined a different pair of brown eyes but that was the last time and for the rest of the night Sharon didn't think of Brenda anymore.

-o-

When the morning light passed trough the blinds, Sharon woke up and felt an unfamiliar body wrapped around hers. Black hair pretty much similar to her own was tickling her breast. The amber skin of a beautiful leg stood out against her creamy stomach. She remembered the night before and smiled at the restless girl still asleep in her arms. She knew this would never happen again but didn't regret it. Mikki was a smart sweet girl and she liked her. A phone rang but it wasn't her ring tone. Mikki lazily turned around and took it from the nightstand.

"Detective Mendoza… Oh hi Julio, what's up? ... Ok. Did you ask my Captain? ... All right then, see you in forty minutes." She hung up and went back holding Sharon.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"What time is it?"

"Sharon looked at the alarm clock. "Ten past six."

Mikki grunted. "Fuck."

"You really have to work on your manners." Sharon said smiling.

"Sorry. I just don't want to get up. You were supposed to take it as a compliment."

Sharon gently moved away her hair. "I did."

Mikki looked up and kissed her. "Mikki…"

"I know, I know… The night is over and I lost my rights on your beautiful body. I was just saying goodbye."

Sharon kissed her sweetly on her lips. "Goodbye detective."

"I have to move."

The older woman nodded to the phone. "Work?"

Mikki was already up gathering her clothes. "Yeah, it was Detective Sanchez. It seems your favourite blonde needs me for some arrest, I didn't ask for details." Sharon froze. "You two are working on the same case, right? Why didn't they call you, too?" The Captain's mobile started to buzz. "Here you go!" Mikki left for the bathroom pretending not to notice the panicked look crossing the face of her one-night-stand.

When they were both dressed and ready to go Mikki asked her. "Are you coming with me?"

"No, thanks."

"What are you planning to do? Wait forever for a cab?"

"I don't think it would be appropriate to show up together."

"Why? Nobody knows that you… do lovely things like last night and we could always say the truth. Your car is broken and you needed a lift."

"And with my paranormal powers I knew you were heading to the exact same place."

"Sharon, I don't mean to be rude but I really have to go now so get that gorgeous ass of yours into my car or I'll have to carry you. And what would your neighbours think then?"

"You had me at gorgeous ass."

Mikki laughed and they both got in the sedan.

-o-

Brenda was alone in the surveillance truck, waiting for everybody to take position and Buzz to come back after checking a camera that wasn't working. She was nervous. She wanted to make the arrest and half past seven, the time they'd been told the suspect would arrive, was almost there. She hadn't had much sleep after the not so nice exchange with Captain Raydor, she was tired and rubbed her eyes. When she put her glasses back on, a dark sedan had appeared in one of the monitors. When she saw who was getting out of the car her mouth fell open. She couldn't see very much and started to frantically push every button on the console. The monitor went black and she cursed loudly. When she finally, and completely by accident, got the image back, the two women were smiling and talking to each other. "That bitch!"

"Who Chief?"

She jumped. "Buzz!"

"The camera is ok now." He sat down looking at the mess. "What happened here?"

"I don't know Buzz, it's your job not mine." She answered impatiently.

"Sure Chief. Just give me a minute."

A knock on the back door of the truck and Captain Raydor joined them.

"'Morning Chief, Buzz."

"Captain. You look glowing this morning."

"Mmm… thank you?"

"Oh you're very, very welcome."

"Can you tell me why I wasn't informed about this arrest last night?"

"We didn't want to bother you, we all need a pleasant night off now and then. And you are here now, that's what matters."

"What are we waiting for?"

"Castell should be here at half past seven."

Sharon checked her watch. Fifteen more minutes of agony.

"So Buzz do you have a girlfriend?"

Buzz looked at her confused. "No, Chief."

"Good for you."

"Good?"

"Yeah… let me tell you something, girls are nothing but trouble."

Sharon rolled her eyes.

"They sleep with you, destroy your life, then move to the next… person."

"I don't think that happens every time…" Brenda pinned him with a deadly glare and Buzz got that his opinion was totally unnecessary.

"They find someone younger, easier, exotic…"

Sharon couldn't hold back. "Exotic? Are you a racist now or what?"

"I don't think I was talking to you Captain. Buzz here can use some good advice. Right Buzz?"

"I guess."

"You don't have to trust them because as soon as you change your mind and are willing to give them another chance they do something so awful…"

Sharon raised a brow. "They're willing to give another chance?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I guess they'll never know."

"Chief, Chief can you hear me?" Tao's voice filled the truck and Buzz was so grateful for the interruption that he grabbed the mic before Brenda and hurried. "Yes, yes, we can hear you, are you ready?"

"Chief, are you there?"

Brenda snatched the mic out of Buzz's hands. "Lieutenant Tao? Is everything settled?"

"Yes, Chief."

"Ok, it's almost time."

A few moments passed in silence.

But Brenda had something to add. "And Buzz…"

"Oh dear lord stop it! We all got your point loud and clear." Sharon snapped.

Before Brenda could show her disappointment Tao called her again. "I think it's him Chief. The blue Mustang."

"Buzz check the plate."

"It's the one Chief."

"Ok, everyone wait for him to get out the car."

Three pairs of eyes were glued to the monitors.

"Go, go, go!" Brenda yelled in the mic.

In less than ten seconds the suspect was lying on the ground with his hands cuffed.

"We got him Chief."

"Good job guys." She smiled and turned to Sharon who was smiling too. "Well I think we're done here. Let's go back to the HQ". She hurried out of the truck trying to overtake Sharon who was still sitting. The only thing she accomplished was falling on her. The Captain steadied her holding her waist. They were so close she could feel her breath on her face. Brenda bit her own bottom lip sure she was about to do something stupid. But Sharon had already read her eyes and smirked slightly bending her head. Her hands tightened their grip and Brenda trembled.

"Chief?"

"God Buzz why you keep scaring me this morning?"

"I'm sorry, do you need some help?"

"No, no, thank you. I'm sure Captain Raydor will finally get out of this truck she seems so fond of."

"Yes Chief, that was the idea."

When they were both out, Mikki joined them.

"Good morning, Chief."

"Detective." Brenda nodded.

Mikki looked to Sharon and asked politely. "Captain, do you need a ride?"

Brenda couldn't help to intrude. "Oh it's so nice of you to take care of the elders! I'm sure Captain Raydor appreciates it. A lot. Bye bye now."


	12. Chapter 12

This is the last chapter. Please let me know if you enjoyed my story:)

CHAPTER 12

Sharon was in her car. Not her own car, it was a replacement her mechanic offered while fixing the BMW. Somehow this bothered her. The little Nissan seemed to understate her. The engine was off but her hands were still at ten and two on the wheel. She bent forward to check the windows again. Nobody was in. They left together, why the hell was it taking so long for the Chief to get to her own home? In the afternoon Brenda had gotten a confession. As she always did. How can someone so smart be such a lousy driver?

Finally she heard a car approaching, she turned and saw Brenda slowing down, climbing the curb, then getting off the curb, backing up a few feet and turning off the vehicle with a bump. Sharon shook her head.

But all the disapproval vanished when the blonde opened the door and two incredible long legs appeared. Every single time she laid eyes on Brenda, Brenda got her. She could annoy her, hurt her, be clumsy, silly or nasty but in the end she could always win Sharon over.

She watched the blonde taking her huge bag and heading home struggling to find her keys. She watched her getting in, turning the lights on, moving back and forward putting away glasses, clothes and a pair of shoes. She watched her knowing she shouldn't be doing that but couldn't stop herself. She was adorable and Sharon missed being able to look at her without ten people around scrutinizing it.

When her mobile beeped she couldn't care less.

Then Brenda went to the window showing off her phone and she rushed getting hers. The text said: "Now the house is clean. Get out of that ridiculous car and come inside."

Apparently it was her turn to be busted. She slowly got out and adjusted her suit. She rang the bell and sighed in annoyance because Brenda was actually making her wait.

When the door opened she entered without saying hello. She looked around. It was the first time she was at Brenda's place.

"That's a clean house for you?"

"We have different standards."

"Definitely."

"Now Captain I'm confused. Are you from the health authorities or a simple stalker?"

"I was just making sure you got here safely. I've experienced your driving skills."

"How nice."

They stood in the middle of the living room in silence for a while.

"Are you going to ask me to sit down or just testing my stamina?"

"I already tested that." The blonde smirked.

Sharon couldn't help blushing and Brenda took pity on her. "Please Captain, have a seat."

They both sat on the couch and crossed their legs in a very formal way. "Why are you here?" Pity wasn't a feeling Brenda could hold on to for so long.

"I… I…"

"Please don't start babbling. It's hard enough without you getting all –I… I…-"

"Can you please be gentle? Once in your life? Or when you see someone trying to keep afloat do you always feel the urge to push him down with an oar?"

"I'm nervous, ok?"

"Well you're not the only one."

"You slept with that Mendoza detective." Brenda blurted out.

"That's none of your business."

"So you're admitting it!"

"I'm not admitting anything."

"She's kinda cute, though."

"She's gorgeous."

"Then why are you here?"

"I don't know Chief. She's young, beautiful, kind, caring, with the right sexual orientation... Oh my God, what am I doing?" She moved to stand up but Brenda grabbed her arm.

"You are awful!"

Sharon smiled. "You are too."

"And you slept with her. I don't know if I can forgive you."

"I'm not asking for your forgiveness."

"What are you asking for?"

"I don't know."

Brenda was quickly losing her temper. "Then what do you know?"

Sharon leaned back staring at the ceiling. If she had to throw her heart out, she didn't want to watch Brenda squashing it. "I missed you. As simple and unreasonable as that." She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "What I feel for you is rare and precious. Too bad you're not the most delicate person around. But still I fell for you. You're a mess, your life is a mess, even your house is a mess and as you once pointed out I don't like mess. Yet my life without you is so messier than it's ever been. I want stability, peacefulness, order but more than everything else I want you. I don't think it will work out, I think you'll hurt me even more than you already have but I can't help this longing, this need of you. And I'm tired of fighting back. I love you Brenda."

She closed her eyes and breathed out. Brenda wasn't saying anything. She had expected that so she went on.

"You know what they say, that the truth will set you free? I think the correct way is the truth will make you an ass."

Warm fingers touched her hand. "Are you touching my hand?"

"Yes." Brenda's voice was unnaturally husky.

"Are you going to talk too?"

"No."

"Ok. Why?"

"Because I already told you that I love you and I don't like to overdo."

Sharon smiled and turned to look at her. "You are mean."

"I'm sparing."

"You're painfully beautiful."

"You're incredibly short-sighted."

"I'm wearing my glasses."

"They just make you hotter, Captain."

"Is this foreplay?"

"Definitely."

"Can we skip it?"

"You're such a romantic."

"Come here, Brenda."

They kissed on the couch, slowly. For the first time neither of them was feeling the need to hurry. They didn't have to steal, everything was theirs to take. Sharon cupped Brenda's face, kissing every inch of it. When she was through, she nipped her lower lip and focused on her neck, biting right up Brenda's shoulder. The blonde moaned and started undoing Sharon's shirt.

Sharon felt suddenly cold. "What are you doing?"

"Do you need a tutorial first, Captain?"

"Funny. I don't think we should do that, now."

"You don't think what?" Brenda couldn't help raising her voice.

Sharon's heart started beating very fast, she was panicking. And it was so much unlike her that she panicked more just because she was panicking.

"I think I need some fresh air." She left the couch and in a few seconds she was out of the house. Brenda was still sitting, with her lips swollen and her skin flushed. The door was open and she could see Sharon motionless in the porch. With a sigh she stood up and reached the other woman.

"Sharon."

"I just need a minute, I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

They stayed like that for a while, close but without touching.

"You know, I'm not like that. Maybe you are like that, but I'm not."

Brenda couldn't look more puzzled. "Like what?" Then a thought crossed her mind. "Gay?"

Sharon slowly turned to her. "Seriously?"

Brenda blushed. "I don't know. You are all tense, no speaking, no kissing! I have no idea why or what to do."

"And the gay thing is the best you could come up with?"

"Of course not! Well, maybe. And, by the way, I wanted to tell you this for months, it's probably not the right time, I know, I'm sorry but do you appreciate how good I am with this whole gay thing? And I've been good from day one. Not everybody would have…"

"Are you done bragging?"

"I'm sorry, when I'm nervous I just can't stop talking. And you're so silent and you stopped kissing me!"

"Ok, Brenda, listen… why don't we go for a walk?"

"Walk? In L.A.? Are you feeling suicidal?"

"I do it all the time."

"Can't we take my car?"

Sharon sighed. " But I'll drive."

-o-

Sharon wasn't going very fast but she had opened both windows and Brenda was struggling with her hair.

"Why do you look like a movie star with your hair flying gracefully behind you and I look like a crash-test dummy?"

Sharon laughed. She was feeling better, the cool air was calming her and she could think more clearly.

"I still find you attractive, don't worry."

"Oh, good to know. I was getting insecure with you leaving me high and dry and all that stuff..."

"I didn't mean to upset you. I think it was too much and I couldn't handle it."

"I'm not very good with people, you know?"

"I got a hunch."

"Ah. Ah." The blonde look intently at her. "But I want to try."

Sharon took Brenda's hand and held it.

"I could try harder without my hair in every hole of my face. Just saying…"

"I can arrange that."

The windows started rising up "Oh, thank God! Now if we can just pull over somewhere…"

"Why chief? What's on your mind?"

"Besides a brush?"

"Oh! It's beautiful here! What's this place? No, never mind, I have absolutely no memory for Los Angeles' topography and it would just frustrate me."

The city, or what it really looked like L.A. to Brenda, was spread before them. Street lamps, tiny red and white cars' lights moving in the late evening traffic, it was beautiful.

"Tell me Sharon, is it here where you cheerleaders make out with the football players?"

"Well that and an OIS a couple of years ago."

"How endearing."

"I knew you'd appreciate it."

Brenda looked at the sight. "So…"

"So…" Sharon echoed.

"Here we are."

"Indeed."

Brenda started pressing her palms down her skirt, suddenly nervous. Sharon turned off the engine and moved on the seat to look at her. She reached out her hand and stopped Brenda's.

"Chief, it's ok. I feel much better."

"And what if it happens again and I don't know what to do. And you feel unhappy, then I feel unhappy too. And we're both unhappy and somehow it's all my fault?"

"It's nobody's fault and I'm not unhappy. Actually I'm very happy."

"But you panicked!"

"And you made it all right."

"But…"

Sharon kissed her and since Brenda wasn't responding so well she held her head tight and deepened the kiss. When Brenda finally relaxed Sharon wondered if they would always be better at this than talking.

Brenda's hand was on her thigh going up, Sharon grabbed it and put it between her legs so the blonde could feel how hot she was. Brenda groaned in pleasure.

Sharon reassured her. "See? Everything is fine."

"Just fine?"

Sharon smiled and kissed her lips, her jaw then whispered huskily in her ear. "Every time I see you, every time I talk to you, every time we argue, we fight, every time I think of you my body aches. Every time we are in the same room, every time I hear your heels or knock at your door, I'm so wet it hurts."

Brenda moaned and pressed her hand harder on Sharon's centre.

"Yes, Brenda, as wet as I am right now." Sharon bit her neck hard, pulling up her skirt, feeling her skin burning under her touch. "I want you on your knees facing the seat." Brenda hesitated. "Now, baby." As soon as Brenda was like she'd been told to, Sharon moved behind her, standing on her knees as well and holding her tight.

"I'm here, baby. Put your hands on the headrest and keep them there. Good."

Sharon kissed her sweetly on her cheek, then pulled up her sweater stroking her stomach. "You're so beautiful, Brenda." With one hand she untied her bra and caressed her breasts. She was moving slowly behind her pushing her body against hers. Brenda couldn't speak anymore.

"I love touching you." She pinched her nipples harshly and Brenda moaned. "I love the way you let me touch you." Her right hand slipped gently on her skirt, fisting it and folding it back at the waist. Her fingers trailed on her thigh and her panties. "Is this for me?" Not receiving an answer she cupped Brenda's sex. "I said: is this for me?"

"Yes" Brenda breathed, "Yes, it's for you."

"Then those have to go." And she pushed down her panties. Brenda still had all her clothes on yet she was almost naked.

Sharon lightly stroked her dump curls and Brenda tried to move forward but Sharon held her back with her left arm. "Please."

Sharon removed her hand and used it to free Brenda's ear from her hair. She sucked her lobe and whispered "Now you be a good girl and shut up." Brenda's breath hitched. "Do you want me to fuck you, Brenda?" The blonde nodded. "Can you feel me? My body? Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Look at me."

When Brenda turned her face Sharon kissed her deeply. Her hand was suddenly stroking her sex and Brenda cried in the kiss. She was trapped between Sharon's body and her hands. She could feel the heat radiating behind her and pushed her ass against Sharon's centre.

Brenda was so wet that Sharon had to press harder inside her folds. Her hand moved down and found her opening. A finger entered Brenda but only to the first knuckle and she bucked trying to get more. Sharon bit hard on her shoulder and removed her finger.

"No!" Brenda groaned.

Sharon made her finger slip further caressing the tender skin between Brenda's ass. The blonde stilled.

"Do you like this?"

"I…"

"Tell me Brenda." Brenda felt the finger stroking gently and her legs trembled. Sharon held her. "Yes I like it, I like everything you do to me."

Sharon smiled and licked Brenda's neck. "I'm going to fuck you now and I want you to come for me baby."

"Yes, please, yes."

Sharon started a slow motion inside Brenda, moving her whole body with each thrust. As the pace increased, Brenda's breath grew more and more frantic. All the windows in the car were steamed up and the oxygen was rapidly consuming strengthening the dizziness in Brenda's head.

"Don't stop, don't ever stop."

"I won't, baby. Let it go. It's ok. I'm here, I've got you."

Brenda came with a hoarse cry and Sharon guided her sweetly through her orgasm.

Sharon leaned back on the dashboard taking Brenda with her. She opened the window and the fresh air on Brenda's bare skin made her shiver.

"I have so many doubts. We are so different and what we have in common is what makes us fight the most. Are we doing the right thing? Are we going to hurt each other? Well, you, are you going to hurt me?"

Brenda was listening to her lover and, still worn out, trying hard to focus.

"Then we do this, we make love and what I feel... It can't be wrong, you know?" Sharon kissed her head. " It just can't."

Brenda turned to her. She watched the city light blurring through the steamed glass. Dark green eyes were looking at her and Brenda, once again, let herself drown.

THE END


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